“Mom, aren’t you on a diet?” Reagan commented as I ate TWO bites of her chocolate chip pancakes this morning. “Nope,” I said, “who told you that?” Of course the reply was something mumbled, my suspicions lay with Grammy, Papa or Daddy… but I replied with the same thing I’ve said to them a hundred times. “Mama eats healthy, because I want to be around for as long as I can for you two. River, why else does Mama eat healthy and work out at the gym?” River’s reply almost brought me to tears. “Because you want to be strong enough to carry us for as long as you can, mama.”

She’s damn right. That’s been my motto for the past two and a half years, as I have straightened out my eating and lifestyle habits, reduced alcohol, restarted in the gym, focused on my sleep. I want to carry my kids for as long as I can. Literally. I can still carry both of their 55ish pound little bodies up the stairs, and while I’m a little more winded the heavier they get, I can still do it.

This morning it made me think of all the other ways I want to “carry” them. I want their dreams to be supported, and while of course I want them to be financially independent someday, I want my work and money to result in allowing some “carrying” along the way. If my oldest decides that music theater is for her, there’s nothing I would like more than to be able to support her in exploring that and helping her pay the bills a bit. Will I also encourage her to get an accounting degree for her backup plan? Yep – and the help might even be contingent on that… but honestly, I work hard so that my husband and I can be that family safety net for our kids.

Parents do this in all different ways, from giving freely to the point of enabling to withholding to the extent that the money might as well not be there at all. How people raise their children is unique, and I’m not here to judge anyone else. I think we’re firmly in the intrafamily loan camp for our kids’ future. If I’m able to fund an expense, great. But while I hate the expression ‘skin in the game,’ let’s say I want them to have a stake in the outcome. I learned the value of work because I had to, and I’m not at all mad about it. I see so many people who didn’t learn this lesson, for a thousand different reasons, and I’m sad for them. I’m sad for their kids. I’m sad for our society as a whole – because if no one works hard, nothing really works at all. I want my kids to value working, whether in knowledge or with their hands or sharing their chosen art form. I want them to know that money is important, that it may not buy happiness but it sure does keep away a hell of a lot of stress. I want them to know how to earn, save, and spend wisely.

So just like I had to clean up my eating and drinking habits, I have to clean up my saving and spending habits. Earning, I get. Investing, I get. These things make absolute sense to me (not to everyone, and I will make sure to talk about them a lot too!). Spending and saving though – these are tougher for me. Understanding intellectually is not the same as applying in real life. It takes mindset work – deep, heavy, emotional mindset work. It takes discipline. It takes being able to see the vision of the future and prioritize it ahead of the instant gratification.

My vision of the future involves carrying my kids, as long and as well and as safely as I can. My guess is this is the truth of most mamas out there. If you’re one of them, and you want to talk, I’m right here. Let’s meet money together.