It is not hyperbole when I say that the caregiving phase destroyed my family relationships.  It happened on both sides of my family.  I had an idyllic family dynamic growing up.  My grandparents all lived in the same town as we did when I was growing up, and we were always with them – spending the night, weekday dinners cooked by my grandmothers when my parents were in that busiest season of life with three kids, celebrating every occasion together.  We were a close family by all accounts – we all attended the same small church, where my parents had met.  My parents’ closest friends include their relatives – cousins, siblings, second cousins.  Suddenly, they were watching their parents’ health decline – almost simultaneously for both my grandmas and right after for my paternal grandpa – and they were coping with having to provide care as well as the premature loss of a person they had relied on their entire lives. 

Today, both of my parents are left with siblings they’ll likely never speak to again, no matter how close they once were.  Gone are the days of 50 people around the Thanksgiving table, or even knowing the kids of our cousins.  We’ve experienced so much hurt, carried so much shame and guilt, and been drug through protracted probate and attorney letters.  My parents missed out on so much joy with their grandbabies because they were simultaneously experiencing devastation over the decline of their family relationships as they watched their parents’ journey toward the end.  And none of this needed to have happened – if only we had made a plan.

The Often Overlooked but Critical Phase of Life

Financial Planning focuses on accumulation, retirement, and legacy.  But while we plan for our death, and for what comes after, we so often miss a critical phase:  Caregiving. Whether it’s caring for aging parents, a spouse, or even preparing for your own future care, the caregiving phase can have profound emotional and financial consequences. Caregiving isn’t a detour from your financial plan – it’s a chapter that belongs within it.  Because the true currency of care isn’t just love; it’s preparing to give everyone as much choice as possible. 

Many people assume caregiving is simply something that “will work itself out.” In reality, the costs often start long before full-time care begins. You might need help with transportation, meals, or daily routines. You may modify your home, hire part-time assistance, or rely on a family member who steps back from work.  The need for care can occur sooner than you think.  We often think of care in terms of late in life crises, such as dementia or Alzheimers, but caregiving can sneak up on you with a traumatic brain injury, a stroke, mental health disorders or substance abuse.  Sleep disorders, nutritional deficiencies, and even medication side effects can also cause incapacity.  By acknowledging caregiving as a financial event, not just a family matter, you can begin preparing in a way that protects both your well-being and your loved ones’ futures.

The True Currency of Care: Choice

Planning for caregiving is ultimately about preserving options.

When care decisions are made under pressure, families often have to choose what’s available rather than what feels right. But when you’ve discussed your wishes, explored your resources, and planned ahead, you give your future self — and your family — the gift of choice.

That might mean having the means to:

• Remain at home with professional support
• Move to a community that fits your social and health needs
• Supplement family care with paid assistance
• Maintain financial independence, avoiding strain on children or spouses

Care planning is really life planning — and it’s one of the most compassionate financial steps you can take.

A Thoughtful Care Plan

You don’t have to map out every detail, but it’s wise to start with three key areas:

1. Financial Readiness

Explore the cost of care options in your area — from in-home support to assisted living. Review your long-term care insurance (if you have it), health coverage, and savings strategies. Your Wealth Manager can model different care scenarios so you can see what’s sustainable.

• Legal and Decision-Making Documents

Review your documents and make sure they’re up to date, and account for the conversations you’ve had with your family.  Consider adding in a letter to further express your intentions – the clearer the instructions from you, the less confusion and stress will be on your caregivers.  Make sure the following documents are revisited regularly.

• Durable Financial Power of Attorney: Allows someone to manage your finances if you’re incapacitated.
• Medical Power of Attorney: Designates a healthcare decision-maker.

**Pro tip:  Decide and clarify whether the Medical and Financial Powers of Attorney will be the same person, or different persons – and on what matters they must agree.  If your Medical POA cannot access your financial resources to pay for care they determine necessary, the friction can be potentially insurmountable.  

• HIPAA Authorization: Grants access to your medical records.
  • Advance Healthcare Directive: Outlines your treatment preferences.  This document can and should reflect any religion-dictated preferences. 
  • Guardianship Designation: For dependents, if applicable.

Family Conversations

The most important point of all – talk openly with loved ones about your wishes and values. Who would you want involved in decisions? How do you define quality of life? These conversations can ease emotional burdens later, replacing guesswork with clarity.  If you don’t feel comfortable having these discussions, consider writing a letter that outlines these choices and your wishes.

Planning for Care Is a Gift — Not a Burden

It can feel uncomfortable to plan for a time when you might need help. But planning isn’t pessimistic — it’s empowering.  Whether the goal is to preserve your financial legacy or to ensure that your kids’ relationships are not endangered, or both, the more clarity you provide, the more likely these goals are to be achieved.

It ensures that when you need care, the focus can remain on your comfort and connection, not on financial stress, rushed decisions, or petty disagreements.

The truth is, caregiving is love in action. And just like any important act of love, it deserves a plan. At its core, The Currency of Care is about honoring your future self — and the people who will one day care for you — with preparation, transparency, and compassion. Including caregiving in your financial plan ensures dignity, control, and peace of mind. Don’t wait for a crisis.  When care becomes necessary, the groundwork you lay today becomes the most valuable investment of all. 

I love to help people plan for this phase of life, as well as all the others. If you need help, I’m right here.